In Between

I’m repeatedly surprised by the moments in life that feel intimate or revealing. I realizing that this is because the narratives that set my expectations have it all wrong. You see, the television shows and movies of my youth taught me that the moments I could expect to feel exposed, all involved unlocked bathroom doors and the backseats of sedans. Maybe it’s just me, but those instances have been a breeze. It turns out that in real life, literal “undress” does not translate to its metaphorical counterpart.

Meanwhile, the instances that do leave me feeling like I got caught with my pants down around my ankles are all horribly mundane. It’s the moment when an acquaintance happens to catch me on Bart struggling with my bag of dirty tupperware and sweaty gym clothes or someone strolls up to my desk to find me separating trail mix into fruit, nut and chocolate piles that I wish I could disappear. As crazy as it sounds, I don’t think I’m the only one that feels this way.

So why is it seemingly easier to meet an eligible lady or gent and take them home for the night, than it is to have someone catch you eating your favorite top ramen and cabbage snack? I think this stems from the fact that somewhere in the romance of an unexpected encounter we are freed from everyday minutiae. The novelty of the act or the adventure overshadows the pile of “Us” magazines that is sitting in the corner of your room or that weird patch of eczema that otherwise embarasses you to no end.

Enchanted or unusual events give us pass to rise above what I now realize are the moments that never make it onto the big screen. The in between times get us from one adventure to the next. We know what to do with the highs and the lows, it’s everything else that can be a bit unsettling. I guess all I can say, is thank goodness for the Tina Fey’s and Mitchel Hurwitz’s and their new era of programming that seems to be solving this dilemma for the generations to come.

Something New

So often i wonder what keeps me from writing here? From one of the only places that i know satisfies me on every level. Perhaps, perfectionism? Distraction? The need for a tangible result?

It is all these things and more.

Scoldings aside, I am here now and would rather take the time to make the best of this appearance. In an attempt to get the backlogged thoughts out of my brain and into the world, I think I’ll start with my list of thoughts I’ve found post worthy in recent history.

1. Serial Life - A look at how I (like so many of my peers) can mark my life by the tv series I was watching at the time. From “Punky Brewster” and “Full House”, to “The Wire” and “Mad Men”, there has always been some series that accompanies me through some era of my life and miraculously fit the disposition of that time. This phenomena seems worth taking a second glance at. What void do you think these shows fill and what about them appeals to us so deeply?

2. Where am I - when Eli and I came back from NY there was a unique sense of being lost in Eli’s chest. As if, once he exited the structures/routines of his life here in oakland “Eli” was nowhere to be found. I have felt this way before and most definitely will feel this way again, and am extraordinarily grateful not to feel this way now. The mystery of how this came to be is where the meat of this story lies.

3. Out Huntin - My confusion about “the hunt” is the most consistent line of questioning I’ve experienced in the last few years of my life. I look around at the people I love, and I see a desperate search for some unknowable, un-achievable, and seemingly nonexistent, event or moment. A quest that pushes all boundaries of sanity, or sobriety, or really even safety; and while i see that exactly therein is where the beauty lies, I can’t help but wonder what we’re all so hungry for? One after one I watch those around me pick up their battered bodies, cover their wounds, and without second thought continue to try to satisfy their unquenchable thirst.

There is a chance that some of these topics will appear as posts of their own, but for now I just needed to get them out of my head to make space for something new.