Obstacle Course

I’ve always been fascinated by the part of human nature that feels the need to throw itself up against the seemingly unconquerable. What is it about us that feels the need to wage war against the world’s tallest mountains and largest rivers and most inexplicable elements. When some such feat is not readily available we choose to create roadblocks of our own; the high jump, marathon’s, weight lifting, and a book of world records as obscure and inconsequential as the human mind can dream up.

Worst of all is the fact that I do not know this instinct from observation alone. The urge to throw myself up against the cliff-side and rail upward toward the free fall lies deep within my bones. Anyone that knows me is aware that I tackle head on at full speed and really, to what end?

Obstacles courses sort of sum up this absurd human drive for me. What are they besides a series of abnormal and challenging feats that have no result besides separating winners from losers. My favorite “obstacle” in such events is not called a teeter toter but that is basically what it is. The only difference is that participants are expected to walk straight up one side of the beam until their weight shifts the balance and they drop (suddenly and in free fall) to the ground. Once they have their bearings they simple walk on to tackle the next feat in the long line of hurdles.

What this simple stunt makes clear to me is that it is not so much the outcome of these acts that we are interested in. We all know that at the end of our struggles we will have scaled a mountain, crossed a river, or flown a paper airplane further than any other person on earth. In this same way, anyone that tackles the teeter toter knows full well that that at some point the floor will fall out from under their feet and they will have no choice but to go with that fall until they once again touch on solid ground.

In breaking down these challenges I can see that in their simplest forms they are nothing more than a fairly cheap metaphor for existence as a whole. Isn’t it true that to achieve almost anything in life you have move straight into a challenge that involves some pain or fear that we can not know until we are there in it’s grip. At that point we have two choices: to turn around and go back to safety, or move straight through it. To ride out the fall, as long as it may be, until we look around see that we on the other side. Once there, we can revel in the glory just long enough to get us to calmly move forward, toward the next teeter toter that will inevitably come our way.

Fro-yo and Heartache

Recently, I found myself sitting in my drive way in the middle of the night watching big salty tears drop into my carmel pudding fro yo.

Thinking back, it’s funny. Life can turn me into a kid in about 3 seconds flat.

I’ve now learned that when I am upset it helps to separate and look down on the scene to see myself as a frustrated snot nosed little kid. Something about this perspective helps take the sting off the situation. It makes it possible to see the event as but one of many heartaches, that I know will ultimately pass.

Mostly, I hope to retain this ability as I get older. To know that even as the grief surrounds more significant of life’s dilemma's, I need only to pan up while allowing the focus to soften, to understand on some small level, things are gonna be alright.

Card Catalog

Recently themes of identity, boundaries, and singularity keep entering my life.

I don’t have any deep or unique statements to make on these topics but they do remind me of a project that has been in my head for a number of years and I figure it’s time to get it out on paper. I have no clue where this idea came from but one day I dreamed of getting a beautiful old wooden card catalog and filling it with cards that held all the details of my life. Drawers with facts, interests, mistakes. I imagined cards with the different addresses I’ve lived at. Others would list artists I admire; Richter, Almodovar, Motherwell, Serra. Cards that gave the latin and common names of plants that fascinate me, descriptions of prize possessions, people I’ve loved, or awesome days and charmed moments.




An important detail of this dream is that each of the cards actually functions as an index card would, with a simple subject on the front and description on the back. One might read:

Front: Kitty Key
Back: Hard to believe it took me until 2011 to purchase the amazingly adorned key that I’ve lusted after for so many years.

If I was feeling particularly advantageous I’d sketch of picture of the key on the front as well, just to show how awesome the rainbows and stars that surround the lisa frank esq kitty’s really are. Simple, insignificant and yet important to me, which makes it worth having a spot in the card catalog.

Many times, I’ve come close to making this project real, still not knowing exactly what about it appeals to me. I think having it might make me feel safe. That it could do something I can’t. I like the idea of looking up “East of Eden” and seeing what few sentences my 27 year old self choose to write about that epic book.

The funny thing is, that while it seems this would be something that details truths, I know that it would hold more bias and coincidence than anything else. Now that I say it, I think this fact is exactly what appeals to me about the little scheme. A collection of amusing details is probably the closest I’ll ever come to standing back and seeing some version of myself looking back at me.

So friends, if you come across the cabinet of my dreams give a ring, it’s probably time to indulge

A Change In Plans

It has been far to long since I’ve posted here at The Macher. It isn’t that I haven’t been writing because outside projects have snatched up plenty of my literary energy. This work in addition to the founding of my card company Of Hearty Stock are the reason that I haven’t found the time to stop and reflect on a given project or mood, as these pages are meant for me to do.

As I’m sure is apparent from my previous entries, I started this blog somewhat unsure of what it should or would be. I wanted to share the activities that kept my life full & happy (thus the name) but I also wanted a place where I could simply write. A place that could be a break from all of the building and doing, a place to stop and reflect.

Over time my entries naturally gravitated to to this conclusion but I have now officially decided to make “The Macher” a location for me to write more about my mental pursuits then my physical ones. I hope you find this choice engaging and worthwhile. That being said …... stay tuned, my first entry in this new format shall follow shortly.